Is it Love or Pleasure?
''Philosophy is the love of wisdom"- He said. While my teacher was explaining I looked at him deeply, he said he graduated from Seminario, he is tall, fair-complexion, I don't know his background but he is kinda weird, after so many days, every time we meet in his Philosophy and Logic subject, I always bow my head not to look at him, because every time he has finished discussing, that's when the time he calls a name to answer his question, twice it happens to me that every time he calls a name it always starts with me, that's why some of my classmates wooing (hiyaw) to us, they misinterpret us, and all he do is to smile at me and laugh on the front, so I hide my smile and that was the time I had the idea to become serious every time I entered his class. But then, again and again every time he calls it always starts with me, and there my classmates told me that my teacher has a crush on me, words annoying but I don't feel it anyway because if I'm going to expect I'd be hurt, I know the feeling of hurting someone. One night, he texted me, he wants me to accompany him to go to Church, that was 6pm at September 12 or 19? I don't know? We met at Video City, I waited outside for a minute and I thought he betrayed me, but then he appeared outside Video City and then I saw him, we ate at Balinsasayaw front of Shakey's at Rizal Avenue and having a little bit of deep conversation. I go with him because I thought we were going to Church but it's already pass 7pm, he asked me how old am I and I said 18. Then he reacts in a funny way "18? So pwede na?? HAHA!” it puzzled on my mind what is the meaning " pwede na?" Would it be, ready to be in a relation? Ready for what? Oops! That's no the end of the story, after we eat we went to 2610 computer shop near k'chengan, no more chairs for us, so we moved to "Complit" another net shop near JMarketing, he taught me about the assignment that he gave to us, after that I went home, he asked me again if "pwede ba?" and I said I don't know. I know what he's talkin' about but I am not prepared yet, in fact, he is my teacher, it's awkward if he would court me. After many days and nights, after first (1st) semester, he invited me again to go out, we eat everywhere, we go to places, and we’re like brother and sister.
We even gone to Baker's Hill, that was Last January 13, this year, he taught me about my assignment, after that we went to 24hrs.front of Seminario, the fast-food which is open at 24 hours, no limits, we ate then, in that moment he said to me that he is tired, he wants me to massage him inside the school of Seminario, of course I don't like, perhaps he might do something wrong to me, so I pretended to say " pagod na'ko eh, antok na, pwede next time na lang? May pasok pa'ko bukas." We talked to much until I stopped, 'cause he really really likes some massage from me, (hindi ko naman gawain yun, nanay at mga ate ko lang hinihilot ko) and then he finally said "Okay next time na lang.", he even treated my fare before I got home, I was shy to accept, but I don't have any money in my pocket 'cause I already used it, he texted me when I got home "sori ha?nawala kasi sa plano q. Gudnyt ms.antukin haha :D salamat sa time." That was the last time I saw him. Less texting, I haven't answered his phone calls, only one time answered his call, I told him I was busy. I never go with him since then.
And Last Nov.06,2010 he asks permission if it is okay to court me, I asked him all I wanted to ask especially why, why me? Somethin' like that' and then he said he likes me,-" gusto kita, ikaw pinaka-crush ko sa buong klase " I was happy of course, but I always think that he is my teacher, it couldn't be, and there he showed me that he really wants me to be his girlfriend, but I was still confused.
And Last 10th of May, I saw him again, my friend Christina voice out my name and I looked at her, and then I found it was him who was talkin' to Christina, I was shocked of course, I hate that man, it flashes back on my mind what he did, because Last March, end of March, he told me that he wants me to say ‘yes’ I laughed. I told him that if he really like me to be his girlfriend, 30 days, 30 days to prove that he is serious to me, APRIL composed of 30 days, yet the April has ended and he never appear or text me, and then I said to myself “he is not worth to be my boyfriend! ” I am happy because I really don’t expect anything from him, he also didn’t told me that he has already a girlfriend last April 22 if I didn’t ask. I don’t care if he has a girlfriend now I’m not affected, in fact, I didn’t love him, why? One time last December, we were talking’ about characteristics we want from a girl/boy, I told him that I want to have a boyfriend who believes in God, who has fear in God, kind and spiritually-oriented, he laughed in his text to me, seems odd. I asked him once, “Do you really like me to be your girlfriend?” he replied “oo naman!’’ Until he said to me that he don’t believe in God, by that time I was really affected, If I would like to cry I will but I cannot, because we’re not together, but I’m really sad because I thought the man is spiritually-oriented but he’s not “nDi q cnaBe sAu kaAgad kse bka d mqu mgus2han” his message to me, ouch! Isn’t it? I didn’t expect that he is agnostic, he don’t know if God exist or not,. It’s my first time to encounter such people like that, all I know is to hear it from another people such issue like this, making gossip about the people whose anti-Christ, etc. I don’t have anything to do. He is a Philosophy teacher, he believes on what Philosophers think about the world, how it made, like the world was created by an ice, by the tree or by the water. etc.
Why on Earth would this man appear in my life? He said to me that though he don’t believe in God, he still has faith in love, but still from the time he told me that, I never expect anything from him to be my partner. I don’t like to have a boyfriend who have guts to do something wrong. In fact, he invited me to go with him in Apartelle to massage him but I always neglect him, I have the idea of what he wants, I said “Why Apartelle? There are many places?” he answered me “e di s bhay nyu na lang.” I neglect his requests again and again. He is really a maniac!! Nitwit! I know he has a great mind when it talks about Philosophy but still I don’t like him anyway, he even told me that he’s not satisfied with his girlfriend’s company when he was at girl’s house last May 22, their 1st monthsary, and I ask why then he texed me that he wants pleasure, “ndi nyo lang alam kung ganU nhi2rapan kaming mga lalaki na ndi mkuha ang gus2 nmEn.”—“ang hiRap sa part namEn ang makipag-kwentuhan lang.” I know what he wants, he also told me that he is tired of kissing his partner, he wants pleasure, love-making he said, ‘cause I asked him “If you have already kissed your girlfriend then why do you ask for more?” And that’s what he texted me, that he’s tired if kissing only, kissing is not enough for him, anyway I should’ve don’t care about them, all I know is the girl don’t allow him to take advantage, that’s what he said to me, so he texted me, ‘cause he thinks that maybe I’m the answer for his needs, of course not! Small mind if I would go with him, what will happen to my future? What dos he looks at me? Am I Garbage? A toy? Am I a thing to play with? That’s bullshit! I hate him so much!!! I know a thing that he wants, a thing that a couple may do after marriage, I told you he have guts to do wrong ‘cause his not afraid of God. But the saddest part of this is when his girlfriend asks him if he courted me, then he said “trip-trip lang ‘yun” I knew it because my friend shared that issue to me, cause she cares. Of course I was being disappointed, what’s the sense of asking my friends to help him for me to say yes? Yes! He did. He asks some help to some of my friends who knew that he is courting me, but I still refuse. He is such a liar person, if I would snap him in front of everybody else, I will! But I cannot cause it shows me that I’m affected but not totally, like I said I didn’t love him. If it is true of what he said about “trip-trip” I don’t care, cause I know the truth, maybe he said that to his girlfriend because he don’t want some issues or avoiding such issues. Well, I don’t care cause if I take it too long and lose my temper, I have nothing to doubt I will banned him on that school wherein he recently teaching, block mail is the best way to revenge! But, I will not try to revenge; let the Lord made His part. That’s not a best example for a teacher; all he want is to fulfill his needs from a girl. Very rude man!
